Senility is an altered state of consciousness that feels like total misery. In senility a person feels helpless, hopeless, devastated. It is a condition where all past trauma (intra-uterine, infancy, childhood, from the whole of our life, lives) comes up to the surface of our being simultaneously. It is a time of extreme depression, heaviness, and darkness.
All of our unaddressed issues, tapes and programs come up at once along with the accumulation of energy that we have taken in from other’s processes. All denied, avoided, suppressed material erupt to the forefront of our theatre, led by emotional energy pollution and death urge.
Emotional energy pollution is the main cause of death; it creates feelings of struggle and suicide. It is a fellow accomplice and saboteur with death urge; robbing us of vital life force. Together they are the most destructive self sabotaging habits of the human condition.
It is death urge and accumulation of EEP (emotional energy pollution) that set the stage for senility. Senility can happen to anyone at any age. In senility, we are reduced to infancy consciousness, unable to caretake ourselves, unable at times to walk or talk, unable to roll over in bed or even wipe ourselves.
We are without strength, without personal power. Our mind is not clear, nor are we at times coherent; it is as though our very being has holes in it. Our breath is also affected by this condition; how can it not be?
My friend Leonard Orr (the only senility graduate I know) says that senility is the final exam of the human condition. We either pass it or we pass on. Leonard says most folks don’t do senility til they are in their seventies or eighties and that they don’t survive it because they don’t have the stamina nor have they prepared for it. Jim Dvorak, Master teacher of QD, says it takes about seventy years to kill a body with the average american lifestyle and the average american unconsciousness.
Leonard believes that by developing healthful habits of Spiritual Purification and by developing conscious habits around emotional energy pollution, people can do senility at a younger age and survive well. Surviving senility means you have championed death urge; you have transformed disease and aging into youthing. You have healed all the terminal diseases dealt to you by your family traditions, your karma and from your participation in the world. You have outlived the conditioned programs that you’ve carried. You have opened the door to physical immortality.
I, Toni, never thought I would ever succumb to senility. I have been ever so conscientious in working my process, addressing my programs and transmuting them into energy and light with Rebirthing, Body Electronics and Quantum Dynamics. I gravely underestimated the potency and formidableness of my death urge, my parent’s death urge (both of my parents are aged and sick, having lived a lifestyle filled with booze and old conditioning) and the accumulation from thirty years of service - - teaching, counseling, Rebirthing, massaging, etc.
I want to say I’ve only been in senility for two and a half years, but the truth is that it began the night before my fiftieth birthday in November of 1997. My heart took a dive into massive tachycardia (rapid heart beat) and through the ensuing year my health gradually deteriorated til I found myself in excruciating pain with about fifty different symptoms in March of 1999. That first year I underwent four terminal diseases and aged quickly.
I gave up on myself many times dancing with death in ‘99 and the beginning of 2000. I cried and suffered a lot. I fought and surrendered, fought and surrendered. Kelley, my saint of a husband never gave up. He was my cheerleader, doctor, nursemaid. He did everything for me. He was my legs and my hands. He bathed me, washed and combed my then very long hair, fed me, took me to the bathroom, worked on me sometimes all day long with B.E.S.T. (bio-energetic synchronization technique), Reiki, Q.D., Body Electronics, etc. He loved me into not giving up.
Falling in January of this year and breaking my hip was part of the senility. I fell again two months later (didn’t break anything). The first fall opened up more opportunity to transmute suppressed material. The second fall reminded me that old conditioned fear of the Collective is my past, not my present or my future.
I am now finally feeling like I am over the hump. My mind started gradually coming back last year when Babaji gave us the dispensation of Bursting the Body Light - Violet Flame of Forgiveness. My body started coming back when Leonard brought me some phenomenal chinese herbs - - Earth Magic (estado sano) from the Hoxey clinic in Tiajuana, Mexico. They greatly reduced the arthritic and other pains. (For more info on the Hoxey clinic -email us.)
I am grateful my life urge is so strong. I feel more alive, more clear. I no longer feel sick and green. (Kelley says I no longer look like a holocaust survivor.) I feel exhilarated to be in body again and I am incredibly grateful to be here NOW!
In the beginning, the senility and all that that could have meant, scared me a lot because it was unknown. Now standing from this vantage point, I know what it is/was for me and I feel victorious. I am certain it will be different for all who enter it. I don’t know if everyone will get to do senility; no one knows for sure. This is a situation that absolutely demands both humility and preparation.
The preparation is having a discipline already in place of Spiritual Purification and tools for breath - mind - body mastery. Without these disciplines which are delicious, simple practices you probably will not survive senility -period. Remember it can happen at any age.
Senility is a full time job for the person doing it and their caretaker(s). It is highly demanding on all levels. It is hard work and there is no pay in the middle of it. It takes its toll on all involved in every arena - - emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually and financially. There is no escaping it. You do it or you die.
Senility is tremendously misunderstood. You really find out who your friends are. Clients leave and make the tools we use and teach wrong. They believe that if the tools are so good why has this happened. Lots of people leave and withdraw their support. Facing one’s mortality freaks people out. Now I know what it feels like to be in a nursing home and have people come and go away, never returning.
I demanded to be here this lifetime even though Yama, the lord of death tried to seduce me several times, my life force, connection to Source and belief in Self didn’t let me down. I chose to be participatory in the awakening of this planet to its SEED OF GREATNESS before I came in and I remembered. This planet is birthing itself into a magnificence that Mother Earth has never known before and I don’t want to miss it.
I have watched my friend Leonard Orr come out of eight terminal diseases (five years of senility) and rise like a phoenix. He has recreated his career of Rebirthing and is again teaching hundreds and hundreds of folks around the world. He is a prolific writer and has a zest for life and what is great. He is awesome and profoundly inspiring. This is what post senility can look like.
I am so looking forward to my own complete emergence from senility and the adventures that Mother Father God have in store for me as I rise Goddess Victorious. Just writing these words to you jazzes me and fills me with exuberance. Victory to me! I am succeeding in the Spiritual Purification Game of Life!
To learn more about senility contact A Next Step... or kelley@anextstep.org.
"On a long journey of human life, faith is the best of companions; it is the best refreshment on the journey; and it is the greatest property." --Buddha
